IRON MAN: And the Moral of Today's Story is...

Little rant: Almost a week into New York and I get a craving for Ice Cream. However, every place I hit up only sells HAAGEN DAAZ for $5 a pop. Where's my freakin' Ben and Jerry's? I guess it's more of a craving for Vermont Ice Cream rather than phony wanna-be-German "high class" Ice Cream.

Anyways,


I AM IRON MAN!

So I finally dragged my ass to see the movie, and I've noticed there are two primary camps when it comes to this year's Iron Man: Either the "I love it!" crowd or the "It was good" crowd. I'm personally a member of the latter, but mostly because all of the cool comic book coolness of Iron Man was only hinted at and not really brought into the spotlight - War Machine, S.H.I.E.L.D, any really cool arch-nemesis...

But I feel a movie isn't about just what you enjoy, but what greater messages about life you come away with, so without further ado (and a tongue in my cheek)...

WHAT WE CAN ALL LEARN FROM IRON MAN

1. America will kick your ass and is awesome! Also, war is bad.

So we US soldier shot down by terrorists, we see Afghani innocents being terrorized by terrorists, and we see Stark Industries selling weapons to terrorists, but it's Stane doing it and he's an unpatriotic evil bastard anyways. So in short, you've got Stark who stands for peace AND the American Way (by simultaneously blowing up bad guys, taking up a pacifist stance, and supporting American troops by killing wicked terrorists), which just leaves this weird muddled mess of flagwaving and really stupid idealistic simplified world views. I mean, the whole Iron Man saving civilians from terrorists scene? Shouldn't it be more like, saving civilians from collateral damage of American Bombs? I dunno.

2. Copyleft will lead to the death of innocent Afghani's (you torrenting bastard)

So in the movie, who's the guy trying to create the free flow of information? Who believes that "ideas shouldn't be owned", and all that liberal pirate ideology? You guessed it, Obadiah Stane, the malicious evil bad guy who "steals" information to make new weapons of destruction and create the evil, corrupt, bastardized Iron Monger machine that almost kicks Stark's ass. And by the way, Stark's revelation is that he must now protect all of his company's precious information, lest evil information pirates cause destruction and death to us all!

3. In future-now, computers will translate EVERYTHING PERFECTLY EVER.

Yeah, so Ms. Potts types "translate" and hits enter and perfectly dubbed English comes out. What the fuck guys?

4. Superheroes are allowed to be assholes. In fact, it's so much better that way.

No Peter, we don't give a shit about your emo problems hurry up and cut yourself already. And Bruce Wayne, you're just so damn serious. Tony, you're my man. He's I think one of the best acted superheroes, despite the movie's other flaws, since he's such an awkward asshole. I mean, just look:

He's just a wonderful little asshole. Kudos, Mr. Robert Downey Junior!

And that's it. I'm tired so gnite!